The Vulnerable Confident Heart

“The supreme reality of our time is
the vulnerability of this planet.”  -John
Fitzgerald Kennedy

31.366 - Mended Heart

Photo via Quixotic Pixels 


The life of the heart is one of
contradictions. It is where our greatest
strengths are often our most profound weaknesses. Finding balance between
seemingly opposing forces or feelings is key to finding balance in love. I
can’t think of any two more complementary forces for love than the capacity for
vulnerability and the experience of confidence. Consider each one on its own:
The confident but invulnerable heart can be brash, ego driven and
unavailable. The confidence does not
serve because it is not tempered. The
vulnerable insecure heart is pitiful, full of self doubt and starts to resemble
childlike dependence. It is easy to see how the vulnerability of childhood is
easily confused with its more mature adult version.  


To really love life, yourself or
others these traits must work together. Ancient eastern scripture has long
valued the cultivation of the heart broken wide open. The teachings say that it
is raw, confident vulnerability that allows you to deeply feel with true
compassion and leads you to the road to enlightenment. Confident vulnerability allows you to keep
showing up for yourself and others even when your heart gets a bit
trampled. You have the courage to actually
feel what happens to you. In turn, experiencing your feelings as they happen
builds courage. 


Vulnerable confidence lets
people say what they need to say and trust the listener to be kind. Balancing
these forces in your heart everyday has the added benefit of ensuring that real
lines of communication are always available. Combining the courage to self
disclose with the confidence to be yourself feeds a relationship’s integrity
because everyone knows where they stand. The more confident vulnerability
shapes your communication, the more that trust thrives.


Confident vulnerability doesn’t turn
minor disappointments into big storylines about the places where the
relationship falls short. You can keep your vulnerability intact if you
have a little confidence.  Relationships,
by definition will always disappoint you at some time, and heartbreak goes with
the territory, which is sadly the state of things when it comes to the human race.   Accepting the frailties and imperfection of
ourselves and the people we live with and moving into relationships instead of
away from them is the reason to cultivate a vulnerable confident heart.


Perhaps the most rewarding gift of
cultivating a vulnerable confident heart is that these are the odd bedfellows
that create deep and lasting passion. Closing the bedroom door with the
capacity to fully open to the moment and your partner without fear of judgment
and the freedom to find out what it means to be sexual is the treasure of sex
most people search for in a lifetime. Vulnerability and confidence don’t preclude one another they require
each other. The mystery of sexual connection unravels and becomes a dance of
union and spiritual rediscovery.  


Confident vulnerability is the
mature path to making a life with love as its central axis. It is the only path
that has real heart. 

Learn more about Wendy at

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