Making Love Sustainable: Basically Good

Confidence in the goodness of another is good proof of one's own goodness.
Michel de Montaigne


photo via the round peg

Many relationships suffer from a lack of self-esteem. A relationship’s self
esteem is
connected to that of the partner’s but it also has a life of its own. Genuine
esteem is
founded in the courage to see oneself truly, both the positive and negative
aspects of
who we are and how we function and malfunction in the world. This path, which
Buddhists have called the path of the warrior, instructs that even through
struggle and
difficulty, we thrive in the openness of true knowing and seeing. The courage to
the brittle edges and the messy corners of our own life and how we relate to
others offers
its own reward: acknowledging our brokenness is also the gateway to our ability
to bear
witness to our own basic goodness.

Whenever you see a bright and beautiful color, you are witnessing your own
goodness. Whenever you hear a sweet and beautiful sound, you are hearing your
basic goodness. Whenever you taste something sweet or sour, you are experiencing
own basic goodness…. Things like that are always happening to you, but you
have been
ignoring them, thinking that they are mundane and unimportant, purely
coincidences of
an ordinary nature…. Slowly, you begin to realize that you are able to feel the
of realizing your own goodness, again and again.
Chögyam Trungpa

Our relationships are perhaps the most generous and gentle teacher of this
lesson in basic
goodness available to us. No one knows my most brittle edges and the places
where my
heartache can break me like my husband. For years, when our relationship would
out these places in me, it was easy to blame him. At the same time, I didn’t
recognize the
many small moments of tenderness and attentiveness in our life as the inherent
and basic
goodness in us that it was. My identification with what was broken in us became
Being a warrior in our own lives and in our relationships is a steep slope.

Years of practice helped me learn that it was never really my husband, or for
that matter
anyone else, that brought up the harshest parts of who I am. The work of
something good out of what often feels like not enough brought us both to our
knees at
times. This was also true about the places where we each shined. It wasn’t
really the other
person that provoked that steadfast patience with self or others, it was the
basic goodness
of what we were doing together, usually in the smallest details of life that
lifted our head
above the water line.

Making a practice of recognizing your basic goodness in the beauty surrounding
you will
change how you look at the world. Bringing that practice into your relationship
acknowledging the basic goodness that our relationships offer us, especially
when they
drive us crazy, will change how you live with others. Acknowledging the soft
space of
coming home, celebrating of all the little details of making a home with someone
endless opportunities for recognizing the goodness in our lives and our selves.

Learn more about


Related posts:

7 Children's Books That Celebrate America
(Video) Ashley Tisdale Teams Up with Project Pink
How To Eat A Mango (Video)


  • It’s an awesome article in support of all the online visitors;
    they will get benefit from it I am sure.

  • I loved as much as you’ll receive carried out
    right here. The sketch is attractive, your authored subject matter
    stylish. nonetheless, you command get got an edginess over that you wish be
    delivering the following. unwell unquestionably come further formerly again as exactly the same nearly very often inside
    case you shield this increase.

  • Hey! I know this is kind of off topic but I was wondering if you knew
    where I could locate a captcha plugin for my comment
    form? I’m using the same blog platform as yours and I’m having difficulty finding one?
    Thanks a lot!

  • I am constantly invstigating online for tips that can help me.
    Thank you!

  • Since the admin of this web page is working, no question very soon it
    will be renowned, due to its feature contents.

  • It’s appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to be happy.
    I have read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you few interesting
    things or suggestions. Perhaps you could write next articles referring to
    this article. I desire to read more things about it!

  • Good respond in return of this matter with solid arguments and telling all
    concerning that.

  • Excellent blog here! Also your website loads up
    very fast! What web host are you using? Can I get your affiliate link to
    your host? I wish my web site loaded up as fast as yours lol

  • I have been browsing online greater than three hours lately, but I by no means found any interesting article like
    yours. It’s pretty worth sufficient for me. Personally, if all site owners and bloggers made good
    content as you probably did, the internet will be much more helpful than ever

  • Good day! Do you use Twitter? I’d like to follow you if that would be okay.
    I’m definitely enjoying your blog and look forward to new posts.

  • I always emailed this weblog post page to all my contacts, since if
    like to read it next my links will too.

  • Hi there, always i used to check web site posts here early in the dawn, because i
    love to find out more and more.

  • You are a very clever person!

  • What’s up, after reading this amazing article
    i am as well glad to share my know-how here with friends.

  • Hi there to every , for the reason that I am really keen of reading this blog’s post to be updated
    daily. It includes nice data.

  • Hello my loved one! I want to say that this post is amazing, great written and come with approximately all significant infos.
    I’d like to see extra posts like this .

  • I know this web page gives quality depending articles and other information, is there any other web
    site which gives such things in quality?

  • Wow, that’s what I was searching for, what a stuff!
    present here at this weblog, thanks admin of this web site.

  • Hi it’s me, I am also visiting this web site daily, this site is really fastidious and the users are really sharing good thoughts.

  • Wow that was odd. I just wrote an incredibly long comment but
    after I clicked submit my comment didn’t appear.
    Grrrr… well I’m not writing all that over again. Anyhow,
    just wanted to say superb blog!

  • Appreciate this post. Let me try it out.

  • Excellent blog! Do you have any recommendations for aspiring writers?
    I’m hoping to start my own site soon but I’m a little
    lost on everything. Would you recommend starting with a free platform like WordPress or go for a paid option?
    There are so many choices out there that I’m totally overwhelmed ..
    Any suggestions? Many thanks!

  • Hi there, every time i used to check web site posts here in the early hours in the daylight, as i love to gain knowledge of more and more.

  • Hi! Do you know if they make any plugins to assist with
    SEO? I’m trying to get my blog to rank for some targeted keywords but I’m not
    seeing very good results. If you know of any please share.

  • My brother recommended I might like this blog. He was totally right.
    This post truly made my day. You cann’t imagine just how much
    time I had spent for this information! Thanks!

  • Oh my goodness! Amazing article dude! Thanks, However I
    am experiencing difficulties with your RSS. I don’t understand why I am unable to
    subscribe to it. Is there anyone else having the same RSS issues?
    Anyone that knows the answer can you kindly respond?

  • I believe this is among the so much vital info for me. And i am glad reading your article. But want to remark on few basic issues, The site style is perfect, the articles is in reality nice : D. Good activity, cheers|