Listening With The Body

"For women the best aphrodisiacs are words. The G-spot is in the ears. He who looks for it below there is wasting his time.” -Isabel Allende


Recent studies have found high correlations between the music that teens are listening to and the onset of sexual activity. Teens who listen to highly sexualized lyrics are twice as likely to engage in sexual activity than teens who don’t listen to that kind of music. While these kinds of studies can’t really explain if the correlation is coincidence or causal, the fact that there is a link leaves us to ponder what kind of listening affects us sexually. How do one’s listening skills and habits influence intimacy in all ages of life development?  

Milena getting into the mood
photo:
sol lang



One of my favorite lines by James Joyce is “Men are governed by lines of intellect, women by curves of emotion.” This might explain why most women need to both be heard and to hear loving remarks from their partners in order to turn on their sexual feelings, and why many men don’t get it. Twenty-five-years later, I am still training my husband around the kinds of comments and endearments that I would like to hear before, during or after sex. But it is no longer a deal breaker for me because I have realized that his failure to say these things is not a reflection of how he feels about me.



I have often compared the act of making love to a physical conversation. Recently, I have been practicing what I have learned about listening in my bedroom as well. The results have been surprising and heartening. Perhaps the most powerful way we can listen to the people we love is not just with our ears and our mind but with our whole body. The concept of generative listening which trains us to listen for what is beneath the words goes to the very core in a physical conversation where words are  language communicated with sweeps of fingers, backs relaxing into a caress, a pelvic tilt becoming a shudder.  



Our hands can feel vibrations as much as they can tactile sensations. Let them lead the way into a new kind of listening in your intimate life. The practice of laying on of hands, which has biblical references to its healing powers, is a simple but powerful technique that can provide real insight into the body. Things inside me literally shift under the steady weight and patient attention of my husband's hands and he can feel it too. What is more tender than soft hands across a tired forehead or a finger tracing a heart?



If you're not sure how to start this, the tantric traditions of sexuality are a great place to learn more about whole body listening. For many serious devotees, tantric techniques are not about mind blowing pleasure, but about the deep connectedness of souls. Here is a simple exercise where you are likely to get some of both. It requires that both partners first agree to the meaning of shallow and deep penetration. Once the parameters are set, the partners agree to breathe and count together in cycles of 10 shallow- 1 deep, 9 shallow- 2 deep, 8 shallow-3 deep,  and count down to 1 shallow – 10 deep. Finishing a cycle at the same pace you began it should be the goal and repeating the cycle in the other direction is for true aspirants.



Thinking of our lovemaking as another form of listening is I think as close as we come to hearing deep into another person’s soul.



Learn more about Wendy at http://www.goodcleanlove.com/

Related posts:

Lifting the Mystery of Orgasm
[PHOTOS] Celebrities Gone Naked for PETA
How to keep the butterflies in a relationship

20 Comments

  • If you wish for to take a good deal from this post then you have to
    apply these strategies to your won webpage.

  • I always spent my half an hour to read this website’s
    content daily along with a cup of coffee.

  • Hi! I could have sworn I’ve been to this web site before but
    after going through a few of the posts I realized it’s new to me.
    Anyhow, I’m definitely happy I stumbled upon it and I’ll be bookmarking it and
    checking back regularly!

  • Thank you for the good writeup. It in fact was a
    amusement account it. Look advanced to far added agreeable from you!

    However, how can we communicate?

  • Terrific work! That is the type of info that should be shared around the web.
    Disgrace on Google for not positioning this post higher!
    Come on over and consult with my site . Thanks
    =)

  • Attractive part of content. I simply stumbled upon your website and in accession capital
    to say that I acquire in fact loved account your blog posts.
    Any way I will be subscribing on your feeds or even I fulfillment you access constantly
    quickly.

  • Howdy! This post could not be written much better! Going through
    this post reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He continually kept talking about this. I’ll forward this article to
    him. Pretty sure he’s going to have a great read.
    Thanks for sharing!

  • After I originally commented I seem to have clicked the
    -Notify me when new comments are added- checkbox and now each time
    a comment is added I receive four emails with the same comment.
    Is there an easy method you are able to remove me from that service?
    Cheers!

  • I am extremely impressed with your writing skills and also
    with the layout on your weblog. Is this a paid theme or did you
    customize it yourself? Either way keep up the
    excellent quality writing, it’s rare to see a nice blog
    like this one these days.

  • Everything is very open with a precise clarification of the challenges.
    It was really informative. Your site is extremely helpful.
    Many thanks for sharing!

  • I used to be recommended this website by my cousin. I am now not positive whether this post is written by way of him as nobody
    else understand such exact approximately my trouble. You’re incredible!
    Thank you!

  • When I initially commented I clicked the “Notify me when new comments are added”
    checkbox and now each time a comment is added I get four emails with the same comment.
    Is there any way you can remove people from that service?
    Many thanks!

  • What’s up i am kavin, its my first occasion to commenting anyplace, when i
    read this piece of writing i thought i could also make comment due to this good
    post.

  • Thanks to my father who stated to me regarding this weblog,
    this web site is truly amazing.

  • you are in reality a just right webmaster. The website loading speed is amazing.

    It kind of feels that you’re doing any unique trick.
    Furthermore, The contents are masterpiece.
    you’ve done a wonderful task on this subject!

  • What a data of un-ambiguity and preserveness of
    precious familiarity regarding unexpected emotions.

  • This is very interesting, You are a very skilled blogger.
    I have joined your feed and look forward to seeking more of
    your magnificent post. Also, I have shared your web site in my social networks!

  • I blog often and I really appreciate your content.
    Your article has truly peaked my interest. I am going to take
    a note of your blog and keep checking for new
    details about once a week. I opted in for your RSS
    feed too.

  • Hello to every one, as I am genuinely eager of reading this blog’s post
    to be updated on a regular basis. It includes pleasant material.

  • Hello there! This post could not be written much better!

    Going through this post reminds me of my previous roommate!
    He continually kept preaching about this. I will send this information to him.
    Pretty sure he’ll have a great read. Thank you for sharing!