Goodbye Blonde

I have been some form of blonde since I was a baby girl. I love blonde, I can't lie. I had actually been lighting my hair in some form, be it lemons, SunIn, or good ol' fashion salon bleach since I was at least in 7th grade. I was addicted to blonde and getting blonder. Marilyn Monroe after all was my idol. And then … it all changed for me.

I found myself in Vegas in my mid-twenties, admittedly running from the monster of a life I had created. I was lost and I needed time to unravel so I could find out in what form I would choose to wrap myself up again in. I went on a serious soul search and I came out finding yoga/ movement studies, surfing, and sustainable living as top priorities in what I would make my new life revolve around. The glamour ideal I had previously aspired to faded away as I realized that glamour in the morning after a long night is not so pretty on anyone. 

 

New Year's Eve 2008
New Year's Eve 2008

A few months later I would visit Costa Rica for the first time. I was struck by the natural beauty of the girls around town. They were all tan, natural hair, no make-up. Make-up melts in the tropics and doesn't fare well while surfing. I realized beauty could be something different, something I had never personally considered. Epiphany!

My next step in the evolution of my current being. I still saw blondes, but they were typically more of a sandy blonde. I felt for the first time I could go back to being me. I could be beautiful maybe just the way I was and I would aspire to move toward that direction when I got home.


However blonde was deeply personal to me. I had grown accustomed to perceiving myself as beautiful with lighter hair. The transition would be tough. I remember trying to make it before and always going back. When I first moved in with my new fiance, I showed him pictures of me at a show of his from many years before as a platinum blonde. He wanted to see me as such and so just last year I went platinum again though just for New Years, and with the intention of starting to transition back immediately. However it took a full year for me to make the move and finally tell my hairdresser to die my hair closer to my natural color so I would not have to lighten or color my hair at all anymore. So right before the Grammy's, I went back to me.

I will be honest, I still like myself platinum. The truth is though, I don't know if my feelings are authentic because I also have a feeling that I don't like dying my hair at the expense of the world. It's toxic. Even low-grade bleach is still toxic. Why should this be celebrated? Should we not evolve out of selfish behaviors? I am newly engaged, my fiance loves me whatever shade I am. Is that not enough? Why should being lighter make me feel better? Have I been subconsciously reinforced in my past to make me feel that the blonder the better? I would say to that, absolutely. Many famous singers and actresses get famous and go blonde or seem to get famous just being blonde.

 

 Grammy Day 2010
Grammy Day 2010
For the time being I am happy with my decision. I want to know at least for a few years what it's like with my own hair. I want to own my beauty with my own hair. If I am unhappy and want to lighten it again … perhaps I will find the perfect natural way through lemons or some other natural means.

I would also go back to this. Everything we do counts. I can't expect people to give up certain behaviors if I cannot give them up myself first. How we present ourselves to the world sends a message and we should at very least be conscious of our messaging. What is glamorous can change. We can change it. It's up to us.

 

Learn more about Janine at Green Wave


 

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