Sometimes inspiration visits you when you least expect it.
These past eighteen months had represented one of the biggest breakdowns of my life.
I’d mastered the art of burrowing deep in my blankets; head strategically shoved under pillows. I felt alone, and sad, and deeply humbled.
My entrepreneurial failure was compounded my separation from my husband.
The house of cards had collapsed into a flat hot mess.
On top of the riot of uncomfortable emotions: grief, fear, shame and panic; the phone calls of creditors, vendors, investors, family and friends was simply overwhelming.
I researched an identity change diligently. I was an epic failure.
Somehow it did not matter that the economy was in the same state, and that every entrepreneur i had ever spoken to had cataloged a series of failures before finally succeeding in the business world. Surely their failures were not as GRAND… (do i always have to be the best?)
Feeling sorry for myself had become my Magnum Opus, and I can still feel a sense of entitlement to “go there” if the wind should blow, after all don't my friends, family, and business associates have every right to be disappointed by me? I have to allow them this freedom and offer them my agreement. I suck.
A couple of nights ago I listened to a man speak about his own failings, and the torrent of emotions and inconceivable repercussions of having built an empire that made what i had accomplished pale in comparison, only to see it crumble cruelly based on circumstances beyond his control. Hell, even if they had been under his leadership does this mean he should not lead again? try again? take a chance, invite others to invest in him again both emotionally and financially? Shouldn’t that in fact make him an even MORE likely candidate for success? Hmmm.
At the end of the day these retched moments in life are teaching moments are they not?
They are the gift. They are what enable us to gain perspective on where we erred so that we might establish a better system or framework the NEXT time. Oh, how many of us have decided that we are unworthy of a next time? Whether in relationships, or in business. How many of us have “shut it down” and thrown up the CLOSED sign in the window? Nice house…but nobody’s home. We become disconnected from our selves and our lives and the people around us for fear of failing AGAIN, and yet…when that man shared his own story and i could feel the embers of possibility glow inside what i had condemned as a hopeless heart I wanted to dance and sing and wrap my arms around him in gratitude. I chose in that moment to allow myself to be inspired again…. and is it really
Choice…. and then there was light.
1. The act of choosing; selection.
2. The power, right, or liberty to choose; option.
3. One that is chosen.
4. A number or variety from which to choose: a wide choice of styles and colors.
5. The best or most preferable part.
6. Care in choosing.
7. An alternative.